There once was a contractor who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit  by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.Peter himself.
    
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.  "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a contractor make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
    
"No problem, just let me in." said the contractor.
    
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
    
"Actually, I think I've made up my  mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven"
    
"Sorry, we have rules..."
    
And with that St. Peter put the contractor into a lift and it went down-down-down to hell.   The doors opened and  the contractor found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.
    
In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow contractors that she had worked with and they were all dressed up and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
    
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. The contractor was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
    
Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got into the lift.
    
The lift went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven."
    
So the contractor spent the  next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
    
"So, you've spent a day in hell  and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."
    
The contractor paused for a second and then replied,  "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
    
So St. Peter  escorted her to the lift and again the contractor went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the lift opened, she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in rubbish and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the rubbish and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
    
"I don't  understand," stammered the contractor,  "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland of rubbish and all my friends look miserable."
    
The Devil looked at her and smiled.  "That's because you were a contractor, but today you're permanent staff."
    
     Origin unknown

 
A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.

"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
"Sure, what is it?" replied the man.
"Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"
"What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just want to know.  Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"   pleaded the little boy.

"If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour."

"Oh," the little boy replied, head bowed.  Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?"

The father was furious.  "If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight  to your room  and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long,  hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish games."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man  sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning.

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son.  Maybe there was
something he really needed to buy with that $10.00, and he really didn't ask for money very often.  The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

"Are you asleep son?" he asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here's that $10.00 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, beaming.  "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man. "Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?"